I received this disturbing message in response to my entry on the South Bronx 1 and the South Bronx 2. I wanted to open this up for more comments.

“the depth of your white privilege is astounding.  a poor black neighborhood is not a zoo or an art exhibit for suburban white kids.  you are taking up space that should go to someone who actually lives in that neighborhood and lacks the economic privilege to move away to a better neighborhood.  this is how gentrification gets started.

i don’t even know what else to say, i’m just floored by how patronizing this is and so uncomfortable i can no longer even look at this.  ugh.” – Kaya

My reply,

Please let me explain. I think you have the wrong impression from reading my update about the South Bronx. I agree, the depth of my white privilege IS astounding, and I don’t like it and it makes me feel physically sick. A black neighborhood is not a zoo nor an art exhibit. We are not treating it as such in ANY way. As of right now, I am not living there, but the girls who are living there have goals that have nothing to do with self-gain, or some sort of school project. They are living there because they are appalled at the differences in socio-economic living situations in the United States. They want to change things. What is a better way to change something than working from the heart of it? They have made incredible friendships from living there. One girl spends her days tutoring at schools in the area and she runs a non-profit connecting other college kids to Mott Haven students for tutoring. Another one works there as a teacher! Kids from the buildings around the apartment come and get help on their homework. What is so wrong about this? Taking it to a deeper level, they are trying to follow Jesus’s instruction to love their neighbors as themselves. They are not religious nutcases moving in trying to convert people. They are just living and loving people who think they have been “forgotten about” by the system, and the rest of the world (quoting a woman I met on the street).

I, personally, am still just a student. I am trying to learn everything I can. That’s why I want to live in the area- so that I can understand the problems on a deeper level to eventually change things. I want to put my white privileged education to good use. I’ve met some really cool people that I would otherwise never have met. I am not living there because it’s cheaper, nor because I’m fascinated by the people, and certainly not because I want to start to kick people who “deserve” to live there out (as you implied with gentrification. No one deserves to live there anyway.) I’m sorry if that was not clear enough in my entry.

I’m confused at the statement that I will be “taking up space that should go to someone who actually lives in that neighborhood.” Please explain more. I am not living in low-cost housing nor am I mooching off the welfare system. I do come from a very wealthy area, but why do you condemn me for wanting to move away from excess wealth? The situation in the South Bronx is a crisis. When New Orleans needed help (as I know it still does), volunteers went down to help people clean up. Some left “better” areas to move there to devote more time to helping. The same goes for many other places around the world. What is so wrong about people loving other people? Because when it comes down to it… that is really the ONLY goal.

May I ask where you are from and what your background is? Do you know the area? I am taking your comment very seriously and want to understand more. Thank you.

- Julia

I am eagerly awaiting her response, but none has come yet. I have re-read over the entry and do not find anything patronizing about it. In fact, I make it very clear that my goal is to treat the people with dignity and respect, become friends with them, and understand the situation from the inside. I wrote, “Who am I to help these people? I have NO idea what they really need or what I have to offer. Sure, I can do the things like tutor, or serve at a soup kitchen, but there’s no way to know about the long-term effects of said help without joining the people and becoming one of them.”

I also described the house very clearly as, “We want our house to be a hospitality house full of love… We want to know our neighbors and just become part of the community on Beekman Ave. We want to treat the people with respect and worth. I’m hoping we will have kids over for game nights and tutoring nights, and friends from the neighborhood over for dinner. One room, the hang out room, is full of games and books. People can bring a book in exchange for another (obviously people who don’t have books can just take one). And already, we are putting together a closet with our friends extra clothes and toys.”

I am trying to understand how this is patronizing. Please help me if you read this. When she implies that we are treating the people as zoo animals, is it because of my writing? I recorded some of my experience that day almost word for word. It’s just how my day went. Yes, I throw in some opinions and feelings that are certainly from an outsider’s point of view (the view of a white woman from a wealthy area), but that’s because I think they are important. Some of them I might not be proud of. In a few years, I might look back and laugh at how ignorant I am right now. It’s all part of the learning process on this journey of mine. A journey where few people go. I think a lot in my life will be learned through trial and error because there isn’t a “how-to” for many of the things I want to do (trust me, I’ve looked!). This move (that as of right now I am not taking anyway) might be an error, but I don’t think it is.

Anyway. Why I’m not actually living there. (This is long over-due). I love the girls who are living there very much. Our vision for the apartment was very much the same, but I stopped feeling comfortable with my decision to live there. Not safety wise- just if that’s where I’m supposed to be. I lost the peace (but not the excitement) of living there, and did not want to follow through with something that didn’t feel right. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it ended with two weeks of hard-core prayer and contemplation. And maybe a few fights with God. I don’t understand why I felt so sure about living there (I hadn’t made the decision lightly the first time) for so many months. Then, all of a sudden, thing’s felt very different. Something wasn’t right about it. I yelled at God, “God, I am trying to do what You want me to do. I am trying to spread Your love. This was all for YOU. I thought this was what you wanted!! Why would You take it away now before I’ve even started!!!” After a few sleepless nights, I stopped talking and just started listening. All I could hear was just trust me. So, I still don’t understand it all. What good could come out of living at home? I’m away from my friends. Not living in the South Bronx- ah, my year just looks entirely different. I will update on how it’s going in another entry though.

Right now I want to ask you what you think of all of this. I still don’t think anyone reads this, but if you are reading- please leave a little comment about everything you’ve read. Thank you.

By Paulo Coelho

“I am willing to give up everything”, said the prince to the master. “Please accept me as your disciple.”

“How does a man choose his path?” asked the master.

“Through sacrifice,” answered the prince. “A path which demands sacrifice, is a true path.”

The master bumped into some shelves. A precious vase fell, and the prince threw himself down in order to grab hold of it. He fell badly and broke his arm, but managed to save the vase.

“What is the greater sacrifice: to watch the vase smash, or break one’s arm in order to save it?” asked the master.

“I do not know,” said the prince.

“Then how can you guide your choice for sacrifice? The true path is chosen by our ability to love it, not to suffer for it.”