Hospital care, lack of oxygen, this blog, more than fine

I went to watch surgery today but the machine that makes the oxygen is broken. I think there’s something like two oxygen machines here, one was already broken, but I think the other one broke too. A man died yesterday because he didn’t have the oxygen. They try to schedule patients accordingly. So, this afternoon- there were no cases and all I got to see was a lymph node biopsy. They are going to send the little pieces of the lymph nodes to another town for testing to see if it’s cancerous.

Then I went by the nursery. The little baby I mentioned before (whose mother died two weeks ago)’s grandmother is here now to take care of her. She still can’t leave the hospital because she only weighs 900 grams and there are complications. (That’s about 1.98 pounds). They’ve had babies survive at 750 grams, so we’re just going to keep praying! I saw beautiful pictures of a friend’s new baby, and I was floored. I’ve spent so much time in the nursery with sick babies, I forgot what a healthy one looked like!! This is really needless to say, but the difference between 2 and 10 pounds is AMAZING. So, today I went in search of the healthy babies. I found them accidentally. I thought there were only two rooms to the nursery, but there are three. Right now there’s an infection going around, so the sick ones are separated from the some-what sick ones. So I was in the some-what sick room and I heard my name coming out of this other room that I didn’t know existed. I walked in- BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY BABIES. I almost cried from excitement!

Three of the quadruplets are still alive. 1) Can you imagine carrying four babies around? 2) And not knowing it?!!! They don’t have the prenatal care/technology available, so you think you are giving birth to one baby- and four come out- WOW. The prognosis for the triplets is not as good. The one remaining is really really sick, and watching her mother in there today was heartbreaking. This sounds insensitive, but I was with their mother today, and all I could think was, “Does she still have to pay the bill?” I can’t imagine having your three babies die, and then still paying!!! Maybe that was my way of avoiding the pain- thinking about the money part of it, but ach. For some that means selling the family cow or goat, or bringing the deed to the land. However, there is a needy patient fund, but it’s only for truly needy people. If you’d like to donate money to it PLEASE let me know. What happens is that patients will come in, and the hospital does not refuse care to anyone regardless of ability to pay. However, people are still expected to pay (it’s nothing like the cost in the US- and it’s not like Tenwek is MAKING any money from the patients). While the patient stays in the hospital, relatives go sell the cow and consult with relatives and friends in the community. Here, the custom is such that, if you have a neighbor with money- it is perfectly reasonable to ask them to help with a son in the hospital for say, a crushed skull (today apparently a little boy came in and a tree had fallen on him). And it is expected that the neighbor help. The system is not perfect- patients get stuck here for weeks while their family tries to come up with the money- and their bill goes up the whole time (for food and a bed). There has to be a better way. There are some benefits though, it brings communities together and it means Tenwek’s not falling into the trap of just providing free help.

Tomorrow Tia and Josh are coming with me to one of the busiest clinics. I can’t wait. A whole day spent making babies cry with shots. I really am excited!!

My mom just informed me anyone can access this blog from google. I’m not surprised, when it asked if I wanted to block search engines I said no. I want people to be able to find me (if they are looking) and see what I’m doing and thinking. I realize this leaves me vulnerable, but I’m okay with that. I’m also aware that some things I say might be ignorant, stupid, and simply wrong, but I am trying my best and praying that I don’t mislead anyone. While I’ve been here I’ve been trying to learn as much as possible, and unfortunately there’s no way to pass it all along. Reflecting every day has been really good for me. It’s a practice I must remember when I go home. By reflecting, I see more of what God has to teach me. But, I do get e-mails saying, “are you sure you want to say that!? Maybe you should take off that part…” Yes. I’m sure. This is my trip, and these are my experiences- as real and as raw as they are. Living life holding nothing back is too fun, and I just don’t have the time to go through and edit everything. Also, maybe people will learn from my mistakes.

When I wake in the morning, I want to blow into pieces. I want more than just ok, more than just ok. When I’m up with the sunrise, I want more than just blue skies. I want more than just ok, more than just ok. I’m not giving up, giving up, not backing down. More than fine, more than bent on getting by.

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead. Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken. Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes, this is your life and today is all you got now, and today is all you’ll ever have. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t close your eyes. This is your life. Are you who you want to be? This is your life are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose. (Switchfoot of course!)