I'm just a little bit in love with you.

Hey Dad. I love you. I just got back from an omelet and chocolate waffle party over at John Wright’s house, and all the little kids said things to their dads and some things were said that made me really wish you were here with me (but it’s not the first time I’ve thought it). I hope you’re having a good day in America. We’ll go out when I get home.

This morning I went to a church service somewhere in Kenya with TCHD. I really wish I had GPS here to navigate- I like knowing where I am. I did see a sign pointing to Lake Victoria though. It was a fun but frustrating day. It was just me and Jessica and three TCHD people. The drive there took about an hour, the service was long and boring (went on for about three hours) and I was not a happy camper pretty much the whole time. We were all “guests of honor” and got the “privilege” of sitting on a couch (I put that in quotations because although the couch was really comfortable and I prefer it to the wooden benches or floor… we were starred at constantly). Everyone got up and welcomed us and we were given celebrity status. I felt really unworthy (because I am) of the attention and it put me in a really bad mood that just got worse. The singing was a lot of fun. Worship songs I knew but in Kalenjin. I loved that part. I also can’t sit still that long. It’s hard enough for me to watch a movie without reading a book at the same time so today was not an easy day.

Lunch was at a family’s house, except both the parents had died so it was just the kids. I sat in a room with all the men while the women prepared the food. I asked where the women were and when I said I wanted to go greet them, they all laughed, but I went anyway. Then someone came to get me and bring me back to the living room. I served myself in the room with the men, and sat there and ate while the women served the men. Here’s how it works: the women prepared the food (not an easy or fast process here in Kenya), serve it, then clean it up, while doing EVERYTHING to take care of the family. The men are lazy ASSES. (Takes a deep breath.) Anyway, I sat in there getting madder every second, and then one of the men finished, and he just kind of swatted a woman and pointed to his bowl, implying that he wanted more with this face that said, “WHY DIDN’T YOU ALREADY GET ME MORE.” I got up and stormed out pretty vocally.

I found all the women eating outside in the dirt and sat down with them. The group found me later, their “guest,” but I was disgusted and wouldn’t look at them. I had a lot more fun out in the dirt anyway. I held babies while their mothers ate and talked to the other girls my age (all with kids). One woman asked me to take her baby girl for a “small something.” I said I couldn’t, and she said, “fine, just take her for free.” Again I told her I couldn’t and she started begging. The others were more curious about my skin, and if my hair was real. They tugged at it, and pinched at my arms, asking “Is it really warm where you’re from?” I was like “nope, cold. Well, warm half the year and cold the other half.” And they asked “if it was so hot the sun had bleached my skin and hair. Or was it the cold that made it grow long?” They couldn’t understand it, my skin or my eyes or my hair. They gave me a Kalenjin name that means “happy girl who spreads joy”. I thought it was ironic because I was probably the most pissed off I’ve been all summer.

They asked about my husband and why I’m not married. I told them I’m still young by America’s standards, and waiting to meet the right person. (Here with the life expectancy age at 45- my life is about half over.) They laughed and said, “How old are you?” I said nineteen, and they gave me their ages and showed how many kids they had by holding up fingers and pointing to children around the yard. Most were my age with 4+ kids.

They told me I should marry a Kenyan. I told them that wouldn’t be a good idea because I would never make a man here happy (there are a few exceptions that I’ve met- men raised in good families where the values are based on the Christian idea that a man should love his wife like Christ loved the church- aka he should DIE for her). I explained I would never cook or wash dishes or clean, and they thought that was hilarious, “well you’ll just have to learn, we’ll teach you!” I told them no- I KNOW how to do it, I just wouldn’t do it for them. They really got a kick out of that and said, “but you can’t expect MEN to do that.” And I said, “yes, I do, and I’m not going to marry a man who expects me to clean up just because I’m a woman.” I started getting pretty heated about it but then we had to go. Everyone pulled on my arm to get me to stay. A woman had a camera, so everyone wanted their picture and to shake my hand. Jessica and I ended up coordinating an escape.

On the car ride home I complained to Andrew, another man, and Emmy about it. They said “that’s just how it is- it’s part of the culture.” And that’s the response I’ve gotten from a lot of people. But, one thing I like about TCHD, is that this is one of the things they are trying to change. They go into communities and meet with the men and encourage them to get more involved and to treat their wives with respect. It’s hard- wives can still be “inherited” and really are nothing more than property.

I hate when other’s (non-Kenyan’s especially) tell me that “it’s one of those things we might not understand because it’s a cultural thing.” Well, even if disrespecting women is “part of the culture” it’s still WRONG and I have no problem saying it. In terms of Christianity- it’s still a sin, and it needs to change. I don’t feel comfortable coming in and just yelling, “my way’s the right way”- that’s not why I’m here, but when any human is treated as less (whether it’s because of race, gender, ability, or ANYTHING), it’s simply wrong. And it PISSES ME OFF and makes me really mad and I can’t stay quiet about it. At home I don’t go around yelling at men if they carry my stuff, open a door or pull out my chair, but here I have no problem roaring.

And it’s not like I really won’t clean. I just won’t do it because my husband thinks it’s my “duty.” If I do wash the dishes, or cook or clean- it’ll be because I want to, and he will most certainly help. RAWRRRRRRRRR.

I have never been more sure that the future of this country, and many other countries, lies with the empowerment of women. I’ll go into this more another day.

The baby that came in yesterday evening passed away. One little girl’s mother died three days after giving birth to her. She had come in with meningitis and TB, and when she went unconscious they did an emergency c-section to save the baby. The girl’s been here two weeks now and the father has not come into visit.

Things I want to talk more about later.

1. The empowerment of women, and how it CANNOT be ignored.
2. Community. The idea of “taking care of one’s own first.”
3. What it looks like to really live a “Christian” life

So Dad, after all that venting. I just want to say again how much I miss you and how sad I’m missing out on Father’s Day. And thank you for treating me with respect and instilling in me this idea of WORTH. Kids need more father’s like you here.