I'm just a little bit in love with you.

Today I joined the TCHD Maternal Child Health Immunizations team somewhere in the middle of Tanzania. Actually, I really have no idea where we were. I think we were still in Kenya, but we could’ve been in Rwanda, Ethiopia, Somalia, Sudan or the DRC for all I know (and for the time it took to get there!). A few times the truck got stuck in ditches and behind fifty cows (give or take a few, i didn’t actually count them!). Sarah Baskin, Abby, and I were in the back with four Tenwek nursing students rocking out to my ipod the whole time. Then, we accompanied the team as they gave immunizations to about eighty babies and twenty expectant mothers. The six pictures above are some of my favorites from today! I finally messed around with the manual settings enough to take some decent pictures. Abby took the two of me with the little girl. It’s been so wonderful to have the Champion family here. Today we were out from 9-6, and I’m sure I would’ve burned out if I hadn’t had the girls with me!

On the way back we stopped at a VCT center (Voluntary Counseling and Testing), and Nancy (the woman who works there) was telling me about all the services they offer. Free and confidential testing is the main one, so I, really excited was like, “Awesome! Can I get tested?!” Of course I could. So I followed her into the room and she showed me how the kits worked. I would find out within 15 minutes, and if I tested positive, they would do a second, more accurate (but expensive which is why they don’t do it on everyone) test that only takes 5 minutes. She started taking out the packets and drops of solution. It was all going too fast for me. I started changing my mind, wondering, “Could I be +? What if I do test HIV+? How will I tell my family? Would I wait until I got home? Yes, of course I would wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Doesn’t Greenwich Hospital test for this during routine blood work stuff?!? Wouldn’t they have told me? But I never asked, wouldn’t the still tell me? Maybe not. Maybe they aren’t allowed to automatically test for that without asking. Could I test positive?! What if I do? Well, then, I should know. But how would I tell my family and friends!?” All that I ended up saying was, “Is the equipment sterile?” Nancy patiently explained, “Yes, we open the packets right here, they come sealed in the box, and I open a new packet for every patient so there’s no contamination.” Good (for some weird reason I was still afraid I could get HIV from the test- irrational fear, I know, but I feel like I should be honest). It was such a weird experience that I never actually went through with. Nancy started talking about the finger prick and that did it. My pediatricians who have known me for 15 years still have trouble with that one. No way was I letting a stranger near my thumb. I begged off. On the way out, I thought about how anxious the experience had made me. And if I, who really has almost no chance of testing positive, got so anxious, what must someone who ACTUALLY might test positive feel like going in there?!?! I see now why people might refuse to get tested. I have to think about it more. It would’ve taken five-fifteen minutes to find out my status, and I chose not to. Mmmm….

I’m gonna miss you
I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone
She says I love you
I’m gonna miss hearing your songs

And I said please don’t talk about the end
Don’t talk about how every living thing
Goes away

She says friend
All along
Thought I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really I’ve been learning how to die
I’ve been learning how to die

- From Jon Foreman’s Winter EP, Learning How to Die