I'm just a little bit in love with you.

Feeling a little nauseous though. Right after eating a HUGE lunch, John F. was like, when are you coming to the OR? do you have time right now? I scrubbed in and had the choice between a few surgeries. An enlarged goiter/thyroid removal, a blocked abdomen, an endoscopy, and a few others. Of course chose the thyroid one!! I was so excited to get to see everything! I stood like a foot away and Mike explained everything as he went along. Petra warned me that most people feel dizzy or nauseous and faint the first time, but I was determined. I was burning up though. And then Mike slit the persons throat from one ear to the other and I moved to the wall. After a few minutes of focusing on the floor, I was like, “Julia, you are NOT going to faint. You are not allowed to faint. Stop. Now. This is awesome. Do not miss this. Do not faint.” (At this point I was seeing mostly black). I kept taking deep breaths thinking that would help. It didn’t, but after a little bit I could stand and Mike was explaining something so I walked back over. He was burning the blood vessels so the patient wouldn’t bleed out, and it was the sound and smell that finally got to me. I walked out and sank against the wall and curled up- SO disappointed in myself. You know, for a little bit earlier this year I had considered being a doctor, and even though chem took a lot of it out of me- I hadn’t TOTALLY crossed it off. So, I sat with my head in my knees- trying not to pass out in the hall, just feeling like a failure. I watched some more of it from behind a glass window. I can do that easily. As long as I don’t have to hear or smell it- it’s cool. I finally got up enough stamina and went back in, but to a different surgery. One on the stomach. I could see the intestines moving up and down as the patient breathed, and there was red stuff coming out so I walked out again.

I went back to Community Health & Development where I had an emergency write up thing that someone needed immediately. Worked on that until like 6:30- feeling really crummy the whole time. But, after dinner with John, Sam and the Patricks (who all tried to convince me it was TOTALLY normal) I felt a little better. Then, I went down to bible study at the Gainey’s, and Julie told me how she had passed out watching her first surgery and woke up with the surgeon leaning over her holding up her feet. Carol (a surgeon), also told me how in Nigeria, when she was considering becoming a doctor, she was observing and the doctor had been like, “you cannot faint, there is only one patient in this room and it is not you!” She had to leave the room pretty quickly that first time too. SO. I am going back. Maybe tomorrow if I have time, maybe the next day and the next after that.

I’m sure something else happened today, but I’m still thinking of Mike cutting the persons neck. My head KNOWS that he’s actually saving her life, my stomach still thinks otherwise!

I said the prime minister in my last post about the plane- he’s a minister, not the prime one. Sorry about that- I didn’t confuse him with Odinga, i just thought there were a few prime ministers. Idk… and then what else happened today. Flags were flown at half mast. The guy was from this area- so people were expecting things could get out of control (not here at Tenwek but in Bomet), but they didn’t.

I miss you all at home. Keep praying about funds for immunizations. I’ve really been thinking over the issue I raised in the post about funding. As long as the rest of the world continues throwing money at Africa nothing will get done. The people really do need to demand services from their governments.

I heard this explanation today: If a president needs 2 million to feed people, he needs to raise it from the people, and then the people will feel a sense of accountability for the money. If they don’t see the changes, they will ask, “what are you doing with my money” and they will get upset! If he only raises 1 million, and the US gives the other million, the people lose 1/2 that accountability. Africa doesn’t need handouts, it needs hands. But, I do believe a lot of this mess was created back when America/Europe etc. came in and colonized Africa. Drawing lines for countries where no lines should exist, cutting up Africa like a cake.

I just don’t know what the answer is. Yes, stopping all aid might force people to demand things from their government and demand change and action. But how many people will die? But in the long term will it benefit more people? I think I really like the micro-finance programs. I’m still figuring them out though, so I’ll get back to you.

I heard a funny story about when the hospital first opened- a man needed blood, so an Asian man, a white man and an African all had O negative (or whatever the universal one is), and donated blood to this man. The people here had never seen anything like it, and people crowded around expecting him to change colors as the blood cursed through his veins).

Simple education might be the best place to start. But one thing I do know, only Africa will save Africa. Those who will help them in their task must be accountable to only them- not some capitalistic company from the Western world trying to make a buck.

Chelsea Rossetti- start preparing for our discussions about this in Europe in a few weeks!!

I’m exhausted. This probably makes no sense. My head hurts. I must sleep. Here’s an article I found on the computer in the guest house. I don’t know who wrote it, it was just there . Enjoy!

Last fall, shortly after I returned from Nigeria, I was accosted by a perky blond college student whose blue eyes seemed to match the “African” beads around her wrists. Continue reading I’m still safe mom :)…